A New Year’s Resolution You Might Hate, But Could Change Your Outlook

Image credit: The Times of Israel.

What did you complain about on your way to work today? Was it that driver who didn’t signal when he changed lanes? Or was it your coworkers who always annoy you?

There are always things we can’t stand about other people. However, what starts off as a minor peeve, can become a real problem if it affects you to the point that it ruins your day or your relationship with others.

Haters gonna hate?

“Hate is a very intense emotion that stimulates animosity, although not necessarily aggression,” says consultant clinical psychologist Paul Jambunathan.

“According to Freud, hate is an ego state that drives you to destroy the source of unhappiness. In other words, ‘I don’t like anything that makes me unhappy, so I want to destroy it’,” Jambunathan explains.

Hatred towards someone or something usually builds up over the years. Our values, needs and desires change over our lifespan, and when these do not match with the needs and values of those around us, we begin to experience dislike and disillusionment.

If nothing is done about the object of your dislike, whether that means to reconcile yourself with it or to resolve it, your emotions will eventually develop into hatred, where you want to do something drastic about it.

Furthermore, when we hate something, we tend to generalise it. So your hatred will eventually include everyone and everything associated with that particular person or object that you dislike.

Hatred is cancerous

When you dislike or hate something, you tend to attach an action to it, e.g. “I hate this person, and I want to hurt him/her.”

Jambunathan says that the extent of your behavioural expression describes the intensity of your hatred.

“Hate is a cancer,” he says. “If you regularly and intensely feel hate, then you are filled with negative emotions.”

When your whole psyche is oriented towards negativity, your cognitive processes will be negatively biased; you will be looking for negative stimuli in your environment, and your behaviour will be skewed towards the negative.

How to get rid of hatred

Many of us are unable to effectively find pathways of resolution, because we hate without knowing what we hate and why we hate it.

“Many of us judge people and situations based on second-hand knowledge or prejudices,” says Jambunathan.

He suggests that we use hate as a motivation to do something positive, such as to educate someone or to change their behaviour.

So for the new year, list all the things you hate about people, and make sure you don’t repeat them in yourself.

Many of us also experience self-hatred, where we hate something about ourselves, whether it’s a habit or a physical characteristic.

Analyse why you hate these things, and think of constructive actions that can change your emotions.

Lastly, make a resolution to think about the things you do that other people may hate.

After all, hate is a two-way street.

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